Healing With Pain At Your Front Door

Hey take a look into this blog as it expresses how to heal and what it really feels like. Sometimes we push our pain to the side and never take the time to go through it, which is actually the most important part. We are human and it is natural to not want to feel the bad like we feel the good but it is an essential part to growing...especially when growing into your purpose.

Welcome Back #SavishBabii,

Since our launch we have been building each other up which I think is awesome, but as LadySavish sometimes I have to keep it real. Especially, when it comes to holding ourselves accountable for our emotions. Sometimes, our emotions are so overwhelming that we aren’t able to rally grasp what’s going on. Once we figure out what is going on we can find ways to cope and deal with them.

One of the hardest things I have had to ever do in my lifetime is finally learn how to heal. To heal is the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. This is the first time ever in my life that I have started to embrace my singless and heal. I am healing from emotional abuse. Physical Abuse. Trauma. Abandonment. Being the fat girl. Being the ugly friend. And being the loud black girl. Being dumb. Not being able. Not thinking for myself. Depression. BUT I’M STILL HERE, and still fighting for every inch of myself because I value getting better and knowing that there’s alway room for improvement. I’m here because I turned my pain into purpose. The pain I’m about to talk specifically about though does not heal overnight and is probably the worst to go through. I’m talking about the pain I have to look at everyday like it’s at my front door. The pain that stings every time I turn around. The pain that you would usually just never have to see or hear from again if you had to choice.

Yes, I am talking about a breakup and my most recent relationship to be exact. Oh gosh, I thought this man was my my fairytale. I met him at work and when I looked at him I almost saw myself walking the rest of my life with him. It felt like the man was so heaven sent, like divine intervention. The way I felt when I was with him no matter if we were arguing was indescribable, because we had went through so much in so little time I thought we both were going to fight for love. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case because only 8 months in that love I lusted for so much came to an end and I was left in what felt like the most emotional time of my life. Does anyone else know what it feels like to grief the loss of a loved one and the loss of love lost? What about if that love lost was in your face everyday, nonstop, everyday at your place of work? Lawd! Not many people have to grow through this but those who are and to those that have been there I know your pain.

Everytime I see this man I am only human and can’t help but to think about what used to be and it makes me super uncomfortable. The hurt slaps me in my face everytime I bring myself to look at him and my heart throbs like it is actually broken on some days. I get anxious and my heart stops a little when we make eye contact, but I know it will never be anything more than that ever again. Oh, and what kills me is the little to no respect he has for me. He can sit right behind me and talk about the date he is going on and how much better she is for him. Maybe he doesn’t think I’m listening or maybe he does, either way I hear everything and remind myself of who I am.

I am the daughter of a God that is the King of oh and the most divine. I have to walk with my head up because everything that has happened to me and is happening to me is happening to me for a reason. Even though this situation is tough to go through, I truly believe I am being seated at a table with people that despise me so they are forced to see me win. See victory can come overnight, but sometimes we have to get through the storm to see the victory and the bigger picture more clear.

Healing begins with self and being okay with self. Healing starts with being aware. Does it hurt to see my ex everyday H3L! YEAH, but it doesn’t stop me or get me off focus of my goals. I also realize that he is a tiny tiny moment of my life and this will not last forever. It gets hard, but loving myself rules over that so much. I would rather go through this part of healing than deal with the emotional abuse that occurred during our relationship. The transition is very uncomfortable, but for every shift or change in your life there is a blessing or a lesson. Never let one situation change or define who you are. Move forward(not move on but forward), because moving forward to me is like the strongest most sexiest thing someone can do. Think about it, it takes a strong individual to have to type of resilience to go through the worst of emotions but not its going to be ok. “Moving out” is like a big cop out of your emotions just to get by, not realizing that those emotions are still deep under and will rise at any given time. Moving forward is pushing through those emotions and facing them one day at a time. Keep that in mind the next time you are faced with something and know it’s only a moment, even when the pain is at your front door.

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